Subject:      Re: My complaint about "Family Feud"
Date:         31 Oct 2000 15:29:13 GMT
From:         Jaime M De Castellvi <3cjmd@qlink.queensu.ca>
Organization: Queen's University, Kingston
Message-ID:   <8tmog9$o11$1@knot.queensu.ca>
Newsgroups:   alt.bitch.pork,alt.fan.tom-servo,alt.bonehead.tom-servo,
              rec.arts.sf.tv,rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5

In alt.fan.tom-servo Scuzz Lorenzo <Scuzzzz@world.std.com> wrote:

: Yeah, I watched that episode of Babylon 5 tonight, too. I wondered if
: Delenn had pussy hair now, or if her gash was still crusted with bone.

Why do you think that she and Sinclair could never get it on during
the first season? The good commander might have had Valen's soul, but he
sure as hell had not yet acquired Valen's allmighty groin and equipment,
to give and take on the pounding of Minbari rutting throes.

Boffing Sheridan, OTOH, was a hair-rising experience for Delenn. A bit of
a letdown from her days as full Minbari (Minbari males set the standard
for a boner in the galaxy, after all), but in time she learned to
adapt.

She learned to be gentle and nurturing towards frail flesh without bone,
and she even came up with what she thought were brilliantly spiritual pet
names for Johnnie's doodler ("my little Anla'Cock..."), thereby making the
Captain even more insecure than his ill-fated experiences with dominatrix
Lochley already had (there was a reason, a very little one, why she'd
divorced him; Anna OTOH had always known how to sooth him by letting him
know that size didn't really matter to her so much, but then he had
always kinda wondered what really went on during all those "interplanetary
expeditions" she went on a little too frequently, and then she
went and found the true calling of her soul by giving head to a Shadow
Battle Crab).

Needless to say, she laughed a great deal (except once, when she suffered
the misfortune of experiencing a crab infestation to which as a full
Minbari she had been naturally inmune, but that's another story and I
promised her I wouldn't be telling anyway; and *I* do keep my promises).

As for Sinclair, he didn't get any for a long time after he left Babylon
5. True, as Ranger One, he did train Catherine Sakai, but she was in his
chain of command and as a leader he would have never indulged in conduct
which was grossly inappropriate. So he did what similarly deprived males
have been known to do since the dawn of history; he waxed increasingly
poetic and metaphorical (where do you think that crap about "the arrow
which just sprung from the bow" was stemming from anyways?).

As Valen, he was screwed for an even longer while because his true love,
Catherine Sakai, had been inadvertently misplaced in time. Legend tells
us that he eventually reunited with her and was happy forever after,
giving birth to an entire new genus of Minbari. What legend doesn't tell
(because legend never does) is that it took some doing.

Because Catherine had barely recovered from the shock of finding him a
fully-fledged and generously ridged bonehead, when she took a good look at
his equipment and freaked... "Hell, no way! I will go down on you but
there is no way you can possibly expect me to, to... I mean, it is just
like you Jeffrey, erm, Valen, to be pulling crap like this on me all
the time. Did you ever stop to consider how I would feel about this,
before you decided to... etc etc etc" (we've all heard it before, and
some of you more than others).

Luckily, the Triluminary was still on hand. After a big stormy argument,
remorse, overtures on both sides, a lot of talking, compromises, uneasy
resolutions to "go through with it", a little dash and flash, a little
gestation and a lot of crust...

And by Valen, there was nothing like a little make-up sex, in the form of
(literally) a good old fashioned Minbari bang (and crack)!

I hope that this helps satisfy your unholy curiosity, my friend. It is
not a canon likely to be blessed by the tight-asses of middle-America, but
canon it is, nonetheless. It is all right there, as backdrop implicit in
the explicit exposition.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Cheers,

Jaime

--
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/ "I'm very upset about China being overrun by Arabs."               \
/ G. Gordon Liddy, The G. Gordon Liddy Show, 18 Oct 00, approx 13:35 \
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